From the drafts. Since I'm in in town. I decided to publish. To preface this, I lived here a long time so I'm not just being an asshole.
  1. You meet new people, you exchange info/cards but you will never hear from them and you will not contact them.
  2. You make plans with these people knowing full well the plans will never happen.
  3. Your waiter/waitress is just there until their next audition
  4. You go to lunch at 3pm and every restaurant is packed making you wonder if anyone in LA has a job.
  5. Same for the freeways
  6. If you start to talk about the traffic that is all you will talk about.
    Don't bother.
  7. Plan at least 1 hour to get anywhere even if it's 3 miles away.
  8. Always pee before you go anywhere.
    You might be sitting on the 101 for 2 hours.
  9. Also bring water and snacks with you.
  10. You will never see your friends on the other side of the 405.
    They might as well live in Texas. Don't even act like you're going to make plans.
  11. Nobody will ever pick you up from LAX so if you're visiting you better get familiar with Uber or rent a car.
    It's like asking someone to get a root canal for you.
  12. Always live close to your office.
    You know, if you work.
  13. Get a car that works.
    It will be your best friend.
  14. You will need sunscreen 360 days out of the year.
  15. You will also have your dermatologist on speed dial.
  16. Everyone looks familiar.
    You'll get used to it.
  17. If you go to In-N-Out, don't go when you're hangry, you'll probably be in line awhile.
  18. Carry cash. Most likely you'll have to valet your car at some point in your day.
  19. And don't even get me started on dating in LA...