Except for @Nicholas but I'll settle for #2 position in this case, ok?
  1. I'm (minimum) 30% more fun than the others.
    I can easily bump that up, if it's needed.
  2. I promise never to include you in my photo series, 'Selfies with Sleeping Strangers.'
  3. I have dimples.
  4. Because Neil Diamond says I'm sweet and who can argue with him?
  5. I'm super nice...
  6. Until someone crosses me and then it's on. But that just means I have your back if someone fucks with you.
    I'm not afraid to throw down even though I'M A LADY.
  7. I can be super low key.
    Like here, in a cab.
  8. Other times I'll do stupid things.
    Like take regrettable photos with friends. This is mild and it's all you're getting. I'm smart enough not to put the scandalous images online. See, I have common sense.
  9. Because of my resting bitch face.
  10. Because I don't care if you're moping floors at McDonald's or if you have an Emmy - I treat everyone the same. #RESPECT
    So if you require a pedestal, I'll grab a stool or something for you, but that's about it. No offense if you're used to the ped.
  11. I'll always be honest.
    That means I'm trustworthy af.
  12. I heart whiskey and scotch.
    And I take photos with it when I have no makeup on, apparently.
  13. Because I've had to suffer through life sharing my name with my evil grandmother.
    The one that I could never call grandmother. You address her as Caroline.
  14. I'm quirky.
  15. I'm all for the Oxford comma.
  16. I have an out of control PEZ collection.
    It's in storage though. This shows commitment.
  17. As of yesterday, I've written 3,400 posts for @designmilk!
    I fill your life with modern design delight!
  18. I'll never make you listen to shitty music.
  19. But I'll take you to a lot of concerts and shows.
    And those are fun, right?
  20. Because this is true.
    Which means I have standards.
  21. I will never send you game requests on Facebook.
  22. I like nice things.
    Which means I have taste.
  23. I'll never ask you for anything.
    I'm self-reliant and I'm not a user.
  24. Because I'm asking nicely?
    Ok, I'm asking for this.
  25. And just because I wrote this lame list at 5am this morning when I couldn't sleep and thought it was a good idea.
  26. Screw the other Caroline's! Screw them all!
  27. Feel free to help my cause by spreading the word. THANKS, people! I love you.