31 - TODAY, IN THEORY

It's my birthday, here's how it will most likely play out.
  1. I share a Birthday with Paris Hilton, Michael Jordan, and Billie Joe Armstrong, among others.
  2. I accomplished most of my "by the time I turn 30 goals" by 30.
    They evolved over my 20: I was on two TV shows (one of which was one of my favorite shows in college - The Soup, I was also on a spin-off show of theirs and some other TV stuff too), I opened for my favorite band (seriously!), I did a national tour (on a festival I grew up on, SERIOUSLY!), and worked in a writer's room. I also adapted one of Stephen King's dollar babies, and having a signed form from SK saying "you can adapt this" is still sweet as fuck!
  3. Lie in bed, alternate between checking my phone and closing my eyes, pseudo-sleeping.
    I already have a bunch of texts, emails, etc. to respond to in the Happy B-Day vein, but also work stuff. Then, I'll close my eyes, curl up, and get a lot of thinking done. Aside from taking a hot shower, this is when I have the most clarity to think and reflect about things.
  4. Shower
    Keeping the clarity train rolling.
  5. Breakfast
    I don't plan on cooking a single fucking thing today. First stop, Le Pain Qiuotidien, for the only moderately healthy meal I will have today with a friend.
  6. In lieu of b-day parties, I meet at different restaurants with friends over the course of a few days.
    I don't drink, and 1-on-1 with my nearest and dearest make for a truly happy birthday. Parties that I'm in charge of make me anxious because everyone wants to buy me a drink and I HAVE to stay at this bar for 4+ HOURS??? Hard pass
  7. I also perform a show or two on the night of my birthday.
    Tonight, I'm at The Virgil at 8pm w/Demetri Martin and then at UCB Sunset, doing a useless trivia style quiz show at 1030. Come to one, or both, or neither! (Seriously, not offended, it's just a work day for everyone, I get it!) but if you wanna come to either show, I'll guest list you, ListApper!
  8. Lunch
    Sushi. At Nobu. J/K. Somewhere else.
  9. Dessert
    This will happen a few times today. It starts with an oreo silk pie from Bristol Farms.
  10. The People Vs. OJ Simpson
    This show is so good, can't think of a better way to digest food!
  11. Nap
    A construction crew outside my window has decided I can't sleep in super late. As a result, I nap when they finish around 3 or 4 to be on point for the evening, which is when work hours start (stand-up is the fucking best)
  12. Dinner
    TBD, on purpose. I intentionally did not pick the place yet.
  13. Two shows, as mentioned earlier.
  14. Sleep.
    It's supposed to rain tonight into the morning. Construction crew can't work in the AM as a result.. I really hope it rains.
  15. Some of today's events will play out differently.
    Already, at 31, I can't nuke my body with garbage food like I used to. I already had cheese fries last night to start the party early. Let's see if I can successfully pull off the dessert heavy parts of the day and the rest of the garbage I plan to eat the rest of this week.
  16. Dessert
    A few comics I'm performing with have agreed to go nosh on some garbage with me. Location TBD.
  17. I still have goals, post-30.
    But I don't talk about them until they're accomplished. Then I can't shut up about them.
  18. Final thoughts
    Ages have already stopped being milestones for me. I don't quantify a calendar year as good or bad, they are usually both and there's more comfort in that.