What it would be like if kids apologized for things the way Trump "apologized" for sexual assault

And how it would go if parents responded like many of Trump's supporters.
  1. "I'm sorry you found out I took $5 from your purse."
    "Well, you've made it clear you regret your actions and not just that I discovered them."
  2. "Yes, I did take the cookies out of the cookie jar even though you told me not to. But I never said I was the type of person who wouldn't, so can you really punish me?"
    "You make such a good point. And you'll probably never take this excuse too far at any point in your adult life."
  3. "I'm sorry... But in my defense dojeejdjorksndofndjskfnejkshsndsbzudlnduejXojdhdjxidjskjxkdjsixjxocptjeosjndhdjwnooxuebrhejdkocuemdudksnrhekfnrj."
    "Well, when you put it that way."
  4. "I'm sorry for whatever I did but we both know this punishment is really just a distraction from finishing my white kids only clubhouse."
    "You're so right. That clubhouse is important. Otherwise how are you going to stay safe while you do your homework."
  5. "Yes, I know I pushed Ahmed in the hallway, but Sadie's friend pushed someone too, so who should really be apologizing here?"
    "You're RIGHT! Sadie is a horrible, lying demon spawn here to destroy the world. I can't believe I was going to hold you accountable for your actions when there are people like Sadie in the world."
  6. "I know I've cheated on my math tests since kindergarten and encouraged other kids to cheat too, but I swear, I've changed. I just need you to fully trust me to never ever let you down again."
    "That's so great to hear! And your other words and actions don't contradict that at all. In fact, your teacher should make you hall monitor since you're such a good and honest kid now."
  7. "Everything should be fine because I read you this apology letter I made my friends write for me at recess when I realized the teacher was going to call and tell you what I did."
    "This apology seems so sincere and from the heart. I can't believe I've ever thought about punishing you for anything."