1. Dennis Quaid reminds me of the man who comes into your after school job constantly and is always asking what your plans for the summer are and if you're 18 yet.
  2. Joan Cusack reminds me of your dads ex girlfriend (the one between his first and second marriages) who still calls the house to remind you that just because her and your father are no longer together, it doesn't mean that she doesn't still care about you. Your stepmom, Stephanie, says she's lonely.
  3. Ashton Kutcher reminds me of the guy you have sex with in high school who takes the condom with him (?!) and calls the very next day to ask if you got your period yet.
  4. Rachel Bilson reminds me of the girl from college that everyone called "Celebration" because she was always So Excited to see everyone, and every time you bring up Jeff Buckley, she enthusiastically asks if he's coming to town and can she come too!?
  5. Keanu Reeves reminds me of the hot slightly older guy that you work with at your summer job that gives you weed for the first time and will never ever LIKE like you, even though you pretend to love Ben Harper for him.
  6. Alan Alda reminds me of your dad's friend Gary that always wants you to call him "Uncle Gary", and thinks that all little kids love limericks and whenever your mom protests he's, like, "Whaaaaaaat? They love 'em! You love 'em, right kids? Anyway, there once was a fellow McSweeny..."
  7. Rihanna reminds me of the girl you meet at some fancy art thing for work and compliments you on what you're wearing, and you're so excited until you get home and realize she was making fun of your previously awesome dress that is going in the garbage now.