GOOD CONVERSATION STARTERS

Are you shy? Do you need some suggestions on opening lines? Read on! You're welcome! (Not ranked, they all work well.)
  1. "So, what time do YOU start crying on Wednesdays?"
    This one is good because having something in common is important to people and also makes them feel comfortable around you. Also it will make them feel like you just "get" them. If they give you a weird look (maybe they only cry on Sundays! Maybe they never learned how to cry!) just pull out the cash you have handy and tell them "Crying is soooo much fun when you're crying into fistfuls of cash!" And let them try it, but make sure to get your money back before leaving.
  2. "What is the best kind of whiskey to wash out all my cuts?"
    People like feeling smart and like you respect their opinion. Other options: Are some spiders smarter than others? Or: What exactly is a toxin? (When they answer that last one, explain it to me because I still can't figure it out!)
  3. "Boy/girl, you must be my appendix because you give me a feeling in my stomach that makes me want to take you out!"
    ONLY use this one on someone you actually want to take out! Otherwise they might say yes and you'll be stuck with someone who thinks its a date. Can't stress this enough.
  4. "Boy/girl, you must be that Kevin Hart movie about the wedding because I will be secretly watching you this weekend!"
    Mysterious!
  5. "Here's a cool tip! If you clean out the sink every time your daddy shaves, you can eat the little bits of hair and have him inside you all day!"
    People love life hacks and interesting tidbits. This'll make you seem like a Very Impressive Guy/Gal with your shit together.
  6. "I love sports. I love the way they throw the ball!"
    You don't have to know anything about sports, because you can sound like an insider by just talking about the throwing. All sports involve throwing a ball, except for hockey and if you're in a room full of hockey fans I am sorry to tell you that you are dead, and you are in H-E-double hockey sticks.
  7. "Do you like Jeff Goldblum? He's in my trunk right now if you wanna see him!"
    Omg you know a celebrity!