THINGS I AM GOOD FOR

vanity
  1. masterful inactivity
  2. usually have several bottles of whiskey around here somewhere
  3. uninspired hand jobs
  4. being a member of every museum/independent cinema/theater/club in Los Angeles so you never have to pay because you're with me
  5. eerie prescience
  6. memorized the first three numbers of pi
  7. discussing boxing
  8. petting your dog
  9. recommending esoteric novels
  10. sucking the life out of the room