Confessions Of A Former Mormon

  1. You know all about sex way sooner than your friends.
    "Sex is the greatest sin second to murder!" "What's sex? Am I doing it?? I have to know what sex is!! I don't wanna die!!" - thoughts of a 5 yr old.
  2. You masterbate. All. The. Time.
    Just kidding. You don't....(yessss you do).
  3. You decide to get married because you can't not fuck something.
    Then you're stuck in a marriage you were to young to get into in the first place. But you have 5 kids at 22 so you just give up on life and start wearing bags for clothes.
  4. No, they don't teach you Joseph Smith was a paedophile.
    Or that he would put his face in a hat and walk around the woods looking for treasure. Cause you know, magic.
  5. Judgment is love.
    If you love them, you'll judge them, its your duty to help show them the way. No big deal that you're judging children to the point where they would rather take their own life then face disappointing their families.
  6. Need help? Charity? You're husbands abusive and you're trying to get away? Meh....its all in God's plan.
    You're suffering for a reason. You don't need a helping monetary hand from us. Just forgive. Oh you're not forgiving? Maybe that's your problem...
  7. The South lost the civil war because they refused to help Joseph Smith.
    I'm not kidding. It had nothing to do with, you know, enslaved black people.
  8. It's a cult.