ALL THE (WRONG) REASONS I WANT TO GET ENGAGED

My boyfriend is not on this app. Everything's fine
  1. When people ask me hard life questions I could wave my ring in their face to distract them like a baby with a shiny object
    Questions like, "what are you doing with your life" or "what's your job right now"
  2. Shut my parents up about it
    They've actually only brought this up twice, but their silence is deafening
  3. I'm beginning to view "soccer mom" as an appealing career move
    I already drink rosè out of a plastic tumbler when I walk my dog so I'm in training. Plus if I don't wait too long I think I could swing MILF
  4. I would feel validated as a person (???)
    If someone else thinks you're worthy of spending their life with you gotta be pretty OK right? Anyone?
  5. Shut my friends up about it
    Since they're almost all married they love to drink wine and slur un-clever, super obvious hints to my boyfriend
  6. Combined income.
    Aka, my debt is now someone else's problem too
  7. I'm going to India to meet my boyfriends extended family and I don't want his traditional grandmother I'm some floozy
    Plus he says she's gonna die soon and I feel like he should give her that
  8. Gifts
    I'd like a turquoise kitchen aid mixer pls
  9. I have no really nice jewelry and I think it's time that changed
    If anyone talks to my boyfriend I like the designer catbirdnyc.com. Thinking stack rings.
  10. Engagement party
    Seems like could be a good time
  11. More parties in your honor
    Bachelorette, bridal shower, wedding, all about you. I've been throwing this shit for my friends for years it's MY TURN GODDAMNIT