To My Intern...

  1. Your enthusiasm is exhausting
  2. It is not okay to ask me what I am drinking or what is in my lunch and then show up next week holding an identical matcha lattè with coconut milk
  3. I never want to hear any details about your "cycle" or your ibs, never ever
  4. Internet stalking does not count as "knowing someone"
  5. Furthermore, If you were interested in social climbing perhaps gardening was not the best career choice for you
  6. Just so you know; its pointless, I am never going to tell you what I actually did this weekend
  7. Remember that time I gymnastics-style salvaged the garbage can you accidentally dropped into the very bottom of a dumpster and you asked me if I do kegels? NOT OK