1. I've been a vegetarian for 6 years.
  2. I have never really struggled to refrain from eating meat
  3. I think the meat industry is horrible and wasteful and cruel and unnecessarily powerful
  4. I have never had any negative feelings towards people who do eat meat
  5. The problem with meat is much bigger than individual consumption
  6. But I still believe that a single person can make a difference, which was why I decided to stop eating meat
  7. But I am conflicted
  8. I still shop at KMart, I eat dairy and eggs and buy products from huge, terrible corporations
  9. I feel guilty for fleeting moments, and then I go back to my incredibly comfortable life
  10. I haven't taken a strong moral stance on a lot of things
  11. But I did with meat
  12. In the last two days, I have been eating meat
  13. I have had salami and lombo and fish
  14. I enjoyed the food, it tasted good
  15. I'm not sure whether I will continue to eat meat
  16. I've just prepared a week's worth of meat-free meals
  17. The thought of eating a cheeseburger makes me feel ill
  18. When I'm sober that is
  19. When I'm drunk there is nothing I want more than some sort of disgusting meaty fast food
  20. I feel like a failure for giving up vegetarianism
  21. I feel like I am letting down my vegetarian friends
  22. I feel like I have spent 6 years of my life taking the high road only to be petty and weak enough to give up on my beliefs now
  23. But at the same time I wonder why I chose vegetarianism as my 'cause'
  24. Why not stop shopping at KMart and Target?
  25. I know I can take a stance on more than one thing at once
  26. I know that I can still be a good person and eat meat and shop at shitty places and buy into capitalist bullshit
  27. But I don't feel like a good person
  28. I don't know what I'm going to eat tomorrow
  29. I don't know what I'm going to be eating in 6 months
  30. Giving up on vegetarianism isn't something I'd do easily
  31. I have been conflicted for months
  32. And I will be conflicted for many more months
  33. But at the moment, I don't feel like I'm all in
  34. I don't feel like I'm not eating meat for any reason other than habit
  35. I want my heart to be in it, but it just isnt