Cats are weird. And I don't know how to feel about them.
My daughter got a kitten at the end of the school year.
- •It always looks at me with disdain.I know science says cats merely tolerate us humans, but whoa. And it's always one ear back. Like, it doesn't even take me seriously enough to even hate or like me.
- •It is a polydactyl.But only on one paw. So does that mean it's only slightly inbred?
- •It eats EVERYTHING.This is me trying to eat some sauerkraut my grandma made. What cat enjoys pickled cabbage? Go find some tuna you lard.
- •Classic instigator. Always the victim.Our border collie is seriously the kindest dog alive. And yet this little turd will bite her face until he gets a reaction. Then when the dog is like That's it! And rolls over on the cat it will cry for help.
- •Acne causer.My skin has been mostly clear since my 30s began. Still the occasional nonsense. But every time this cat jumps on my lap it will try to lick my face. And if it succeeds, idk what kitty spit is made of but, BAM massive high school level zit.
- •Cats are like the original abusive relationship.They knock over and investigate all of your things, because they are "curious." They ignore your love until they feel they need to have their head scratched. They will go full blown Tasmanian Devil in a whirlwind of rage when spooked. Leaving carnage in their wake, and you trying to bandaid your bleeding hands and arms back together. Then they look at you like it's your fault. After all of that they curl up in your lap and purr, like you're the idiot and imagined it all. They totally love you.
- •Invasive.Pictured, the cat sitting on my knee while I am trying to pee. My kids don't even do this anymore. Look dude, I have no snacks, it's called privacy. We're not even the same species. You're being so weird. I seriously have to run in and shut the door as fast as possible.
- •But....He's a cute little bastard. So I guess I can deal.