Four Historical Figures I'm Fairly Certain Are Not Haunting Me

Things keep getting moved around, some suspicious scratches appear on the walls, and I'm more aware of the coldness of eternity. I'm not convinced that there's NOT a ghost living in my apartment, but even if there was, it's probably not any of these guys.
  1. 1.
    Thomas Edison
    My only previous supernatural encounter was with Edison and he and I are cool now. Hatchet was buried long ago. Also the Maybe Ghost in my apartment is decidedly uninterested in electricity, and let's be real: Tommy Edison was a lot of things, and narcissistic was one of them.
  2. 2.
    Nero
    I have absolutely no reason to believe it's Nero who's plaguing me in the night. Besides, I set my bed on fire to test the Spirit and there was no fiddling.
  3. 3.
    Audrey Hepburn
    She would never. How dare you?
  4. 4.
    Emiliano Zapata
    The Poltergeist who pursues me doesn't seem especially radical, so I think it's safe to rule out the revolutionary Sr. Zapata. He's probably got his own problems to work through anyway.