HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE: THE DARK AGES EDITION

  1. When visiting friends, don't assume they are going to throw your fecal waste out of the window and onto the streets below. Be a considerate guest and fling your own feces out of the window.
  2. Once you have deflowered your young bride, quickly hang the blood stain'd sheet from a high place in the province to satiate the moral fury of the villagers and spare the honor and life of your betrothed.
  3. Never tell a lord that his family crest is "gay as shit."
  4. Grease your chain mail suit before walking about town. Nothing says "bitch" like a squeaky suit.
  5. Dabble in leisure hobbies like fox hunting or piccolo.
  6. If infected by the Black Plague, retreat into the forest with your thoughts and sores and die like a gentle man.