HOW TO SKINNY DIP

  1. 1.
    Find a body of water
    Lakes are best but any old body'll do.
  2. 2.
    Take your clothes off
    Don't play shy or put on a show. Just take'em off normal like. Make a nice pile.
  3. 3.
    Don't go alone
    If Hollywood has taught us anything, it is that your odds of death increase ten fold while skinny dipping solo.
  4. 4.
    No splash
    Naked swimming is all about being silky smooth. Your blood is 92% water, water is 92% water. Meld the two.
  5. 5.
    Feel the earth
    Rub the mud or sand all over your body. I don't know why, just do it.
  6. 6.
    Sexuality
    Water is not a lubricant. Don't make sexy time with your dipping friends (save that for later). Do get sexual with yourself and the water.
  7. 7.
    Nightime is better
    The privacy is nice, and dark water feels thicker. It has a murky allure. The cool night air makes the water feel warm. Back float and behold the universe.
  8. 8.
    The moon
    There will be plenty of full moons either way, so plan to go on a new moon. The stars are so far from us, but can feel so familiar. A calm lake reflecting the stars is like swimming in outerspace, and you are now a celestial body.
  9. 9.
    Be naked
    Relax. Let go of your conscious stream of thought. Take off your worries and self doubt. Wash away judgement. Rinse out the residues. Feel as though you are a natural being.
  10. 10.
    Return
    Come back to civilization like nothing has changed, even though you know everything is better now.