My Favorite Texts From Last Night From My Area Code

tfln is one of my favorite things ever
  1. "What do you mean I can't make cookies with a blow dryer? Challenge accepted."
    I'm in suspense as to whether they were successful
  2. "Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. It happens."
    I'm happy to say this has never happened to me, but I can't say this is worse than other things I've done after drinking.
  3. "Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed."
    Poor guy. Hopefully he's funny.
  4. "If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style"
    Literally something I would say!
  5. "Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at."
    Also something I would say. And reason #872 why I don't want children.
  6. "I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3 am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you"
    Wake me up for any reason between 3 am and 7 am and you'll probs get a punch to the throat, in addition to very mean words.
  7. "I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science."
    Best science experiment EVER. And something 19 year old me would do.
  8. "So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?"
    What a beautiful day for this person.
  9. "I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why I cold my spend the night. As I was walking away, he opened the door... I fell down and played dead, definitely didn't see me."
    LMFAO legit dying every time I read this!
  10. "There's a Disney princes moon bounce on Karen St. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. This might end with me in jail."
    I see no problem with any of this...