HOW I LEARNED WHAT EXHIBITIONISM MEANT

Inspired by our conversation last weekend and @TT's list. No, it's not like an art exhibit, which is what I thought ...
  1. NYU throws a giant school gala every year in the one and only, Bobst library.
    It's known as the Violet Ball and occurs during the Spirit Week to show prospective freshmen that NYU really does have "spirit". It's held in our only library and they serve you wine in styrofoam cups if you're a senior. Idea is that everyone goes "wasted" so they can proudly say that they've been "fucked up" in the library. This past year I drank a whole bottle of wine on an empty stomach and wore a skimpy dress in 20 degree NYC February weather. This was a disaster waiting to happen.
  2. We left after about an hour. What a waste of a $20 ticket. My friends wanted to go to KTown to karaoke and I just wanted to go home to drunkenly eat my Lucky Charms. I decided to walk home alone in heels and my dress in the cold at midnight.
    Every text and phone call I had sent and received I remember all related to how I so desperately needed to go home to eat my cereal. Called my roommate in the middle of the dance floor to ask her if I could use her milk for my cereal. I dunno.
  3. I called my boyfriend as I was making my way to walk home .. just in case I get kidnapped.
    And then that's what almost happened!
  4. A nice looking middle aged man in his dad like Subaru SVU pulled up to me when I was next to the NYU bookstore. He asked me where he could find the nearest exhibition.
  5. I was so drunk, I didn't understand. I thought he was asking me where the nearest art exhibit was. I replied, "why the fuck do you need to go to a museum at midnight?".
  6. He said, "No. Do you know what an exhibition is? It's a place where people like to show off". I thought he was looking for a strip club so I pointed in the direction of 6th Ave.
    Meanwhile my roommate is calling me asking where I am because she actually thinks I'm getting kidnapped. Supposedly the last text I sent to her I told her everyone had left me and that I was going to walk back home alone. Jeez Emily, WHY?
  7. Then he kept asking me if I knew what an exhibition was and then he asked me if he could drive me home. HELL NO YOU CAN'T.
  8. Told him I was meeting with a friend across the street and I had to go. (That friend was Lucky Charms) it was then he asked me if he could wank it in front of me because he has a fetish for surprising people. That's when I connected the dots about exhibitionism.
  9. I shouted a giant fat NO and ran across the street. My boyfriend was still on the phone. He heard the whole thing.
  10. Fast walked/jogged a mile home in 20 degree weather the rest of the way. Came home and immediately went to Wikipedia to look up exhibitionism.
  11. Looked back on the whole event and realized I probably did it to myself ... I looked like a flasher on the street that late at night. I wore black strappy heels and since my dress was so short, it looked like I wasn't wearing anything under my parka. CURSES, EMILY!
  12. Note to self: just go to KTown with your friends next time. Worst thing that can happen is you pay $15 for karaoke. Best thing that can happen is that you end up at BCD Tofu House for late night. Sigh.