Everything I Accomplished in the Kitchen While Trying to Make Dinner
- •Put canned pinto beans over heat.
- •Shatter two glass food containers that were poorly stored beneath the drawer with the corkscrew.
- •Slip my easily accessible nice leather shoes over my ratty rainy-day penguin socks to avoid stepping on glass.
- •Break half the cork off a bottle of wine.
- •Remove the top half of the cork from the corkscrew in a manner such that it flew into the air and landed perfectly in our Chemex. (Also: Later, upon drafting this list, realize I left it there.)
- •Take the pinto beans off the heat.
- •Press the remaining piece of cork into the wine bottle such that the wine sprayed onto the overhead cabinetry, adjacent counter, and my (fortunately Cab-colored) sweater.
- •Let my wife finish dinner.