These options seeming increasingly viable is usually when I realise I should start working on my resume..
  1. Get hit by a car
    Not so seriously it kills me but you know enough that I get to stay at home on full pay a while
  2. Get a new job and simply ghost on my current employer
    In this delusion my bosses get SUPER worried and report me missing and spend years wondering what happened to me. This is a time where linkedin doesn't exist
  3. Commit arson and burn the building down
    nobody gets hurt but shuts company down for a while and I get to stay at home on full pay
  4. Find a doppelgänger