Reasons Not to Take My Own Life

This is not a veiled cry for help. Please do not call the authorities.
  1. I can't afford rat poison.
  2. I'm too impatient to wait 10 days to buy a gun.
  3. No one would give a shit.
  4. I would be accused of hacking Robin Williams.
  5. Someone would find my porn collection.
  6. Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens opens in December.
  7. Sex!
  8. Oral sex!!
  9. Anal sex!!!
  10. I have a really great life.