GOOD FOR YOU, NOT FOR ME

Trust me, I'm happy for you. I just won't be joining you
  1. "I don't eat fast food"
    Genuinely I'm happy that you are so committed to being healthy that you can't indulge every once and a while, but I will never be that person and if you are condescending about it I'll cut a bitch.
  2. "I don't wear sweats out of the house"
    Wow you are probably super stylish and put together, but something is seriously wrong if I show up to my 5:30 shift at the animal shelter in something other that leggings and a sweatshirt.
  3. "I'm addicted to working out"
    This one usually frightens me. As long as you are healthy though that is probably the best addiction I've ever heard of. Have fun on your jog, I will be sleeping
  4. "I just feel so gross if I don't shower once a day"
    Oops, I will actually go on record saying that over this past summer I went 6 days without putting soap on my body. I was swimming in lakes and oceans so it wasn't totally disgusting., but missing a shower once and a while doesn't usually leave me ridden with guilt. Also washing your hair everyday is bad, google it.
  5. "I'm a vegan"
    I respect you and everything you do. I actually considered becoming vegan once but then I thought about all the amazing home cooked meals I would be missing out on. It's just not for me and that's ok.
  6. "I don't swim in the ocean"
    Ok sorry but that's not cool and I can't defend these people