To be read with enthusiasm
  1. The perfect place to celebrate your honeymoon if you've never had sex!
  2. You'll lose Instagram followers from your incessant posting!
  3. Not a poor person in sight!
  4. Harry Potter, who?
  5. No, within these walls it's totally cool if your child hugs an adult stranger!
  6. Where pullover sweatshirts in boiling temperatures never goes out of style!
  7. Get a blister!
  8. It's a small (minded) world after all!
  9. Find a black person, and please report them immediately!
  10. We broke your favorite child stars!
  11. We underpay our talented performers so we can overcharge you!
  12. If you're a woman and lost in the park, a man will rescue you!
  13. We reinforce sexist ideals and unattainable standards of beauty!
  14. Forget about your parent's divorce and/or dead sibling. Magic is real!
  15. The happiest place on earth if you're a child born into privilege!