"CLIFFORD THE BIG RED DOG" JOKES PEOPLE HAVE MADE AT MY EXPENSE, RANKED

Thank you for this excellent request, @ChrisK !
  1. 1.
    My college boyfriend fondly referred to his dick as "Clifford," claiming that my "love for him caused him to grow to enormous size."
    This extended metaphor eventually grew exhausting, but was perfectly nauseating while it lasted.
  2. 2.
    I received two copies of "Clifford's First School Day" as high school graduation gifts.
    In preparation for your first college class, they said! To get you exited about your hilarious misadventures, they said! As a reminder of the simpler times, they said!
  3. 3.
    Introducing myself to handsome men at dog parks has thrice resulted in the question, "is this your big red dog?!"
    Ah, yes. The shared cultural touchstone of children's book characters. Good one, beautiful stranger!
  4. 4.
    One Halloween, I dressed up as my literary equivalent to be cute and self-referential, but I forgot to bring along a stuffed Clifford. Multiple people asked if my insurance covered the cost of putting down such a large dog.
    Thank God I'm not going into the field of veterinary medicine...
  5. 5.
    This list request 😋
    METAAAAAA