HOW TO ELEVATE YOUR PB&J: A USER'S GUIDE

  1. Stick a big ole burnt marshmallow right in the middle
    S'mores PB&J, folks. Tastes like camping, minus the mosquitos and the river water. Boom! Elevated.
  2. Ditch the jelly altogether and replace it with...you got it...SRIRACHA
    Gives your favorite childhood lunch staple a Thai peanut twist. Boom! Elevated.
  3. Throw some Brie cheese up in that ooey gooey mess
    Goat cheese is always a worthy runner-up. Now your PB&J is savory AND it tastes like cheese. Boom! Elevated.
  4. Crush up some pretzels and add those salty treats generously
    The value of texture cannot be overstated when it comes to matters of PB&J. Now your sandwich has that sweet n salty thing going on, which was very much in the cultural and culinary milieus about a year ago. Boom! Elevated!
  5. Add Nutella to the mix and wedge some slices of bacon in there
    Vaguely European, slightly nutty, v. not kosher, but bougie as hell. Boom! Elevated.
  6. Dig that last box of Caramel De-Lites Girl Scout Cookies ™ out from the pantry and throw them forcefully at the PB&J
    This is just a front to make your PB&J taste like Girl Scout cookies, really. Boom! Elevated.
  7. Emulate Elvis by stuffing some bananas right in the middle
    Wow! This PB&J is fresh n fruity! I feel like the king of rock n roll! Boom! Elevated.
  8. Go balls to the wall by frying up an egg and not-so-delicately shoving it inside the PB&J
    Wow, this whimsical anytime snack just became the most perfect breakfast on the whole goddamn planet. Boom! Elevated.
  9. Grab that tube of cookie dough from your freezer, soften it up in the microwave, and spread it on your PB&J like there's no tomorrow...
    ...because this might give you a heart attack. On the plus side, your PB&J now tastes like grandma's homemade cookies. Boom! Elevated.
  10. Pop some popcorn, eat half of it straight out of the bag, and haphazardly throw the other half at the bread as if each piece were a dart and the bread were a dartboard
    This is the movie-watching snack of tomorrow, folks. Salty. Sweet. Nutty. Fruity. Boom! Elevated.
  11. Place sliced Granny Smith apples and toasted almonds inside. Finish with a dash of cinnamon.
    Pretty sure this recipe would help me beat Bobby Flay in that food network show. Elegant as hell; refined but not snobby. Boom! Elevated.
  12. Scoop some homemade vanilla ice cream-NOT VANILLA BEAN THIS IS V IMPORTANT-on top and don't forget to deep fry the bread in real butter (none of that margarine imposter nonsense)
    This is sinful, y'all. It's dessert PB&J, and it is the savage temptress of any and all efforts to adhere to a 'healthy diet.' Boom! Elevated.