1. Rich and heavy bodied with subdued acidity and a unique, complex flavor.
    Sumatra Mandheling & also a man that probably enjoys splitting wood in his free time
  2. Distinctively mild and subtlety fragrant of sweet fruit. Light bodied with a pleasant lingering finish. Very clean.
    Guatemalan Huehuetenango & also a man who is a member of the dollar shave club and carries leather weekender bags non-ironically
  3. Complex, wild, and somewhat gamey. Flavor profile, body and aroma have the rich chocolate notes of darker roasts.
    Yemen Mocha & also a man who reads Voltaire and has only seven plaid button downs in his closet
  4. Silky body, moderate acidity, and smooth finish. It is distinguished by its expansive flavor, full-bodied richness, and undertones of ripe fruit and dark chocolate.
    Sulawesi Toraja & also a man who flirts with the bartender at your favorite neighborhood joint to get free drinks
  5. Acidic, light in body, and quick to finish. Smoke and spice flavors are often associated with its distinct flavor.
    Indonesian Java & also a man with a 6-inch Oedipus Complex
  6. Golden in color and uniquely mellow in flavor. Features overtones of chocolate and a distinct earthiness.
    Indian Monsooned Malabar & also a man who eschews those headphones that come with new iPods in favor of some vintage Bose pair he got in a resale shop in Brooklyn
  7. Old, traditional, fine, and steeped in tradition. Has a flavor reminiscent of a lush, spiced wine. Full-bodied and distinctly wild.
    Arabian Mocha Sanani & also a man whose cuff links cost more than your monthly rent
  8. Distinct rose-like floral notes with a nut-toned chocolate and molasses aroma. Has a balanced acidity and silky mouthfeel.
    El Salvador Finca Las Nubes & also a man who has named six stars after the six women he has dated
  9. Mouthwatering malty sweetness, with a fragrant medley of dark berry notes.
    Uzuri African Blend & also a man who owns silk sheets, probably