MY LIFE ACCORDING TO MASH VS. MY LIFE ACCORDING TO REALITY
The beauty of this childhood game is that you can play it over and over times infinity until you get your desired results. Let's see how this MASH list I saved from 5th grade and came across at my parents' home this weekend measures up to the reality of my current situation...
- •MASH Husband: Aaron CarterReal life husband: HA HA HA HA HA. good one.
- •MASH Car: pink convertibleReal life car: forest green Acura, circa 2004. Some people call it 'old.' I prefer 'vintage.'
- •MASH Location: Amazon Rain ForestReal life location: one-bedroom apartment in Houston, Texas. I don't live next to a river full of piranhas and a tree full of howler monkeys, but, due to Houston's absence of zoning restrictions, I DO live in between an elementary school and an adult video store. Almost as dangerous.
- •MASH occupation: art criticReal life occupation: clinical ethicist/student/daughter/sister/friend. Still a critic of art, but one whose opinions are both unsolicited and unpaid.
- •MASH children: 87Real life children: zero.
- •MASH pets: 15 snailsReal life pets: 1 golden retriever. Her name is Zoey, she is a fan of barbecue and Miller Lite, and she is supreme.
- •MASH honeymoon: MarsReal life honeymoon: n/a. After seeing The Martian, though, I'm gonna take a hard pass at the idea of an extraterrestrial honeymoon.