The beauty of this childhood game is that you can play it over and over times infinity until you get your desired results. Let's see how this MASH list I saved from 5th grade and came across at my parents' home this weekend measures up to the reality of my current situation...
  1. MASH Husband: Aaron Carter
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    Real life husband: HA HA HA HA HA. good one.
  2. MASH Car: pink convertible
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    Real life car: forest green Acura, circa 2004. Some people call it 'old.' I prefer 'vintage.'
  3. MASH Location: Amazon Rain Forest
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    Real life location: one-bedroom apartment in Houston, Texas. I don't live next to a river full of piranhas and a tree full of howler monkeys, but, due to Houston's absence of zoning restrictions, I DO live in between an elementary school and an adult video store. Almost as dangerous.
  4. MASH occupation: art critic
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    Real life occupation: clinical ethicist/student/daughter/sister/friend. Still a critic of art, but one whose opinions are both unsolicited and unpaid.
  5. MASH children: 87
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    Real life children: zero.
  6. MASH pets: 15 snails
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    Real life pets: 1 golden retriever. Her name is Zoey, she is a fan of barbecue and Miller Lite, and she is supreme.
  7. MASH honeymoon: Mars
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    Real life honeymoon: n/a. After seeing The Martian, though, I'm gonna take a hard pass at the idea of an extraterrestrial honeymoon.