you tell 'em, woman in khakis.
  1. If you are traveling with a small child, what were you thinking?
    short, straight, to the point.
  2. In the event that oxygen masks drop from overhead and you have more than one child, pick the one with the most potential and assist him first.
    Johnny can list all the presidents in order AND plays tenor sax in jazz band. What do you bring to the table, George?
  3. In the event of a water evacuation, make sure your hair looks really good. Odds are, you'll end up on the news, and a good beach wave is flattering on everyone, dead or alive.
  4. The picture of the lightbulb above your head will turn on the lightbulb above your head.
    Oh. That's how that works.
  5. If you get warm on this flight, you have two options. Option one: close your window shade. The sun is hot. Option two: deal with it.
  6. Unless you're Ellen, don't dance down the center aisle of this aircraft.
    Aisles are for politely brushing your thigh against strangers' elbows.
  7. Peanuts give you gas, folks. Sticking to one bag per passenger would be best for everyone aboard this aircraft.
    Well color me impressed!
  8. We hate food waste here at Southwest, so if snacks are distributed and you find yourself seated next to someone who is gluten free, we ask that you punch that person softly and then quietly take their pretzels.