Guys, I think about Jared Kushner too much and I need to make a list to process everything that's happened in the past 24 hours.
- •Jared Kushner, as a person, fascinates me. And I predict he will be the unraveling of the Trump administration. Maybe. Hear me out.
- •First of all, even though I think about him TOO MUCH, Jared Kushner is a dweeb. He just looks and talks like a total dork. I have this fantasy that he smoked weed like four times in college and somebody called him "The Kush" once and he fucking LOVED it and told everyone afterwards to call him The Kush. He seems like that kinda dude to me.
- •I have tried to picture Jared Kushner on top of me and I just can't do it.Boniest sex ever?
- •Jared is touted for being smart because he graduated from Harvard (which dad bought him into) and he ran several real estate and media companies in his twenties (which dad bought him also). But it seems he is mostly just extremely taciturn, and people confuse that with being pensive.John Oliver went into this much more exquisitely than I ever could, so watch his special on Javanka. But my next point is—
- •Jared Kushner is very good at keeping his mouth shut, which has probably served him well through the past year. But now it's causing him to fuck up, big time.After Don Jr's explosive admission that he, Kushner, and Paul Manafort met with a Russian attorney connected to Putin and were seeking negative information on Clinton, one thing is obvious: Kushner is lying by omission.
- •His lawyer said he submitted several important documents related to his contacts, meetings, and money too early and that they need to be revised.But really, it was just that the truth came out, and Kushner's records did not include all of the facts. Kushner's interviews don't include everything, either. He's hiding something.
- •So now he's gonna prob gonna get deposed, A LOT. I saw the West Wing episodes when everyone gets subpoenaed, and it's not pretty.He will be questioned many times by many different people in many different circumstances and if his story changes even a little bit, he'll get in huge trouble. And he's already in way over his head and probably knows he's a total fraud anyway.
- •So here's what I predict: Jared Kushner is going to realize the truth is the story that is easiest to keep consistent, and that it will set him free.He's going to have a crisis point— I'm not sure when, it will be private— and realize he's a good Jewish boy from New Jersey and that his parents were right all along and he should have never gotten involved with this family in the first place and how can the descendant of a Holocaust survivor support a ban on refugees and Ivanka actually DOESN'T smell like sandalwood and magnolia flowers all the time and he will SING LIKE A BIRD.
- •In reality, it's probably a member of Trump's immediate family, like dolt Don Jr, or Trump himself who will say too much.They are classic oversharers. Spilling the tea would be out of sync with everything we know about Jared.
- •But a girl can dream, right?
- •See ya at your Senate hearing, you!