I HATE POOL PARTIES

  1. Hey! Wanna meet some new people?? No? Well how about in spandex? And you're all wet? How bout now?
  2. All the chips get soggy because of wet hands in the bowls and I can't have that
  3. Omg!!! Chicken fight!!!!!! Wanna wrap ur crotch around the back of some guy's head and he can hold your shins that are still prickly because you shaved 3 days ago and called it good? No? You're telling me you don't want to make a totem pole out of ur belly rolls??? Lame!
  4. The group of girls that "forgot their swimsuits." Don't wanna be one of these girls but DYING to be one of these girls.
  5. You have to pee? Have fun traipsing through the house and leaving wet footprints for the homeowner to clean up. Or giving TF up and trying to discreetly pee in the pool. Good luck!
  6. Three words: Body! Image! Issues!
  7. Pool parties are for 14 year olds with very patient parents or drunk adults looking for an excuse to get sloppy and wet and rub up against each other.