White condiments...why do you taste so good?
- •Mayonnaise: A love storyYou complete every sandwich by smothering it with delicious creamy love. There would be no tuna salad, no chicken salad, no potato salad, without you! Mayonnaise, I love you. Also I'm so sorry for Miracle Whip's existence. You shouldn't have to deal with that bullshit "sandwich spread" sullying your good name.
- •Ranch DressingRanch dressing makes everything better. I would not tolerate a plate of chicken fingers without ranch. Also good for pizza, chips, burgers, french fries. Oh and supposedly salad too.
- •Sour creamI don't care if it's not authentic to smother every Mexican food that crosses my path in this good stuff. I love it.
- •Whipped creamTrue story. I used to regularly talk about how much I love cream pies over fruit pies. Just go on and on about how french silk and oreo cream pie were far superior to their apple and cherry companions. I just love cream pies. It took my husband THREE DAMN YEARS to inform me that cream pie is a porn term. Thanks husband. Good looking out. Anyway whipped cream is delicious. Especially on cream pies.
- •Cream cheeseIs cream cheese a condiment? I don't even know but I love it. Savory or sweet, it elevates every dish. Pro tip: if you make a pasta dish, a soup, mashed potatoes, an omelet, a skillet... whatever...and it's not quite good enough, throw in a blob of cream cheese. That'll fix it. And don't even get me started on cream cheese frosting. I'm drooling now.
- •Tartar SauceSo fish is healthy and you should have it a few times a week blablabla. Deep fry it and then cover it with tartar sauce. It's the Wisconsin way. And yes I recognize tartar sauce is pretty much just mayo with pickle relish in it. Mayo is so damm good it can be on this list twice.