1. Mayonnaise: A love story
    You complete every sandwich by smothering it with delicious creamy love. There would be no tuna salad, no chicken salad, no potato salad, without you! Mayonnaise, I love you. Also I'm so sorry for Miracle Whip's existence. You shouldn't have to deal with that bullshit "sandwich spread" sullying your good name.
  2. Ranch Dressing
    Ranch dressing makes everything better. I would not tolerate a plate of chicken fingers without ranch. Also good for pizza, chips, burgers, french fries. Oh and supposedly salad too.
  3. Sour cream
    I don't care if it's not authentic to smother every Mexican food that crosses my path in this good stuff. I love it.
  4. Whipped cream
    True story. I used to regularly talk about how much I love cream pies over fruit pies. Just go on and on about how french silk and oreo cream pie were far superior to their apple and cherry companions. I just love cream pies. It took my husband THREE DAMN YEARS to inform me that cream pie is a porn term. Thanks husband. Good looking out. Anyway whipped cream is delicious. Especially on cream pies.
  5. Cream cheese
    Is cream cheese a condiment? I don't even know but I love it. Savory or sweet, it elevates every dish. Pro tip: if you make a pasta dish, a soup, mashed potatoes, an omelet, a skillet... whatever...and it's not quite good enough, throw in a blob of cream cheese. That'll fix it. And don't even get me started on cream cheese frosting. I'm drooling now.
  6. Tartar Sauce
    So fish is healthy and you should have it a few times a week blablabla. Deep fry it and then cover it with tartar sauce. It's the Wisconsin way. And yes I recognize tartar sauce is pretty much just mayo with pickle relish in it. Mayo is so damm good it can be on this list twice.