Impending Doom

A list of all the things that will go wrong with david leaves me for New York
  1. Locked doors
    If it weren't for my puppy (david) walking behind me at all times, who knows how many people could've gotten into my house. Or my car. Or my computer. He checks and locks everything!! So that's going to fall apart when he abandons me for New York. Whoops.
  2. Bug infestations
    My life will be overtaken by bugs and I'll end up retreating to the only room that's safe because David is brave enough to kill bugs but when he's gone, it's over. Hopefully the closet I hid in has an outlet for my phone.
  3. Cooking healthy
    90...no, 93% of my effort and dedication to cooking is so that my honey boo stays healthy and alive. LIKE I'LL GIVE A DAMN when it's just me hahahah
  4. Personal finance
    My teddy bear is literally 70% of my impulse control. I'm sure when people hear us when we shop, we sound like a pair of psychos. "Bear, can I buy this?" "...okay I guess." "FINE. YOU NEVER WANT ME TO BE HAPPY." "No, get it if you like it. It's cute." "How dare you patronize me. I'm just trying to live my BEST LIFE." "So...do you want it?" "...nah, I have one just like it."
  5. Cute Instagrams
    Who will take these chic and adorable pictures of me. Who. My Instagram will fall apart.
  6. Traveling
    How will I travel without my suitcase carrier, my pickpocket protector, and my handsome escort? Where will I go? Who will make sure I'm fed? Who??! Without david, I'll probably wither away, nbd.
  7. Exercising
    I'm trying very hard to like working out but there is something about going there and going home with my best friend that is so encouraging. It's so nice to come back with someone who has also worked out intensely and feel that joint level of exhaustion and happiness. I'm ... mildly concerned that when he goes to NY, I'll never feel the motivation to go to the gym. AND I HAVE TO.