1. That I'm dating someone much older than me who I fantasized about as a teen
    A la Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise
  2. Opening up a scented candle shop and only employing wise-beyond-their-years teenage girls
    I pay them in vodka tonics, hand-me-down mini-skirts, and relationship advice
  3. Making out forever with a trustworthy stranger at 2am in the West Village
    And it never gets boring
  4. Swimming in an enormous cooler, full of half melted ice and cans of soda, situated on lush grass, listening to the laughter of giants
  5. Eating salmon sashimi for every meal
  6. Having a time machine that only allows you to take 3 day vacations back to college
  7. Painting all the walls of my apartment black
    Getting to feel total darkness, while still safe
  8. Using ice cream as body wash on a hot day
  9. A breathalyzer type test, but it tells you if the person can make you come
    To be administered at the beginning of first dates
  10. Sleeping over at a movie theater