HOW TO FEEL PREPARED FOR ANYTHING: APARTMENT EDITION

THE GENERAL RULE: Live every day like someone you badly want to impress/befriend/fuck is about to step foot into your home. Even if no one ever comes, you will still reap the benefits.
  1. 1.
    MAKE YOUR BED
    The notion of making one's bed always seemed pointless. Like something someone with severe short-term memory loss would do in a movie and then all the supporting characters would congregate and express their sadness. "Poor Sheila. She made her bed and she has no idea she's just going to sleep in it again tonight. Breaks my heart. " But I am now a bed-making convert. It's assuring to see a made bed when you get home. If you want your apartment to be serene and inviting, this is the simplest way.
  2. 2.
    HAVE HAND TOWELS IN YOUR BATHROOM
    If you are over the age of 22 and don't have hand towels in your bathroom, GET OUT OF TOWN...and to the nearest store which carries hand towels. Do you want your guest to dry her hands on a towel that you use on your face or body like she is a god damn animal? Do you want said guest to emerge from the bathroom, full of judgment and pity at the absence of hand towels, and haphazardly construct an excuse to leave your apartment? I thought not. I thought not.
  3. 3.
    HAVE ALCOHOL, COFFEE, TEA, & COLD WATER
    I say with absolute confidence that these four beverages cover the entire spectrum of social experiences. I don't fuck with soda--have only had it a handful of times in my life--but I gather it is quite popular. So if that's your thing, add that to your drink roster.
  4. 4.
    HAVE AT LEAST ONE SNACK TO OFFER
    Have you ever met someone who wasn't down with snacks? If you answered "yes" to that question, either they're lying or you're lying. It's nice to always have a little something something to eat that's not a full-on meal. If you're feeling particularly ambitious, you can have multiple snacks spanning an array of flavors.
  5. 5.
    CURATE A PLEASING SCENT-SCAPE
    Whether it's incense or flowers or candles, amazing scents can compensate for failures in all aforementioned things on this list. Have you ever met someone who you despise, but they smelled so good that you just wanted to devour them/become them/kiss them/live in the little cavity above their collarbone? Do not underestimate the power of a good scented candle on your mind and YOUR LIFE.