HOW TO FEEL PREPARED FOR ANYTHING: BODY EDITION
THE GENERAL RULE: Live every day like someone is going to go down on you and/or you are going to be in a group nudity situation with all your heroes.
- •EXTREME SHOWERINGThere's no such thing as "just" showering. Showering demands at least 10 follow-up tasks. When you're in the mood, this "showering+10" can feel luxurious, but when you're not, it's at best, boring, and at worst, an assault on your fragile equilibrium. Still, I urge you to shower as though ANY PART OF YOUR BODY could come into contact with ANY PART OF AN ANGELIC BEING'S BODY. I promise that simply being ready for a hot alley encounter with Don Draper is almost as good as it actually happening.
- •HAIRWhether we want to admit it or not, many of us are Samsons, deriving all power from our hair. Have a solid game plan for the following: 1. Sopping wet hair 2. Dirty hair 3: Hair so far-gone that is appears you dipped your head in the fry-cooker at McDonald's and then went swimming in the ball pit. If you know how to efficiently deal with all three hair scenarios...hairnarios...then you will be at peak Samson and you'll feel invincible.
- •BREATHHaving questionable breath can keep you from #leaningin, not just to your career, but also leaning in for that kiss that's going to be a catalyst for your next great adventure where you lose all sense of time and space. Furthermore, possessing conversational acumen, an encyclopedic knowledge of pop culture trivia, and an infectious laugh will get you nowhere if no one wants to get close to your face. ALWAYS have gum/mints on your person.
- •OTHER SECRET WEAPONSTantalizing fragrance, shoes you can walk any terrain or distance in, an outfit which doesn't require any maintenance or adjustment throughout the night, undergarments that are cute as hell/don't show through your clothes/you can swim in/you could hang out in at a cool stranger's apartment while you guys drink wine out of mugs and watch horror movies.
- •YOUR MINDWait, what? "Your mind" on a list about "your body"? How can it be? Well, not to get all Dove Ad-y on you, but obviously none of the above matters if you don't mentally accept that you are FINE AS FUCK. Cuz you are. End of story.