HOW TO FEEL PREPARED FOR ANYTHING: MISCELLANEOUS EDITION

Abridged
  1. 1.
    CLOTHING ESSENTIALS
    You need 3 essential outfits: one that's 100% comfortable, 0% fashionable, one that's 60-70% comfortable, 30-50% fashionable, and one that's 10-25% comfortable, 100% fashionable. If you can find the golden unicorn: 100% comfortable, 100% fashionable, stock up! Buy 3 sets of the same outfit.
  2. 2.
    THINGS TO HAVE MEMORIZED
    The phone numbers of your parents, siblings, BFF, and boytoy/girltoy. Your social security number. Your Apple ID password. Your credit card info. What apt number to buzz at your friends' places. The street cleaning rules on your block. Your PIN. That quote you always reference, but typically paraphrase. How people you love take their coffee.
  3. 3.
    THINGS TO BE AWARE OF
    Your spatial relationship to others in crowded places. Your emotional relationship to others in intimate places. If the person you brought with you is having a good time or not. If you are too tired/emotional/drunk/distracted to be having a conversation and perhaps should pause and reconvene when you are more yourself. Nonverbal communication. What is going on in the world.
  4. 4.
    GOOD THINGS TO HAVE ON HAND AT HOME
    Lube. Febreze. Raid. A lint roller. Deodorant removing sponge. Safety pins. Ice. Painkillers. Shout/Tide Stick. A really sharp pair of scissors. Tape. An extra blanket/pillow/set of PJs for a guest. A drying rack. Dessert. Band-aids. A bomb pump-up playlist.
  5. 5.
    GOOD THINGS TO HAVE IN YOUR BAG
    Blotting papers. Gum/mints. 3 kinds of lip product: one colorless, one with pigment, one particularly viscous that can also be used for dry skin and flyaways. Keys to other people's apartments in case of emergencies (In NYC, I have keys to like 5 people's apartments. In LA, I don't. Why haven't you guys given me ur keys yet?) Condoms. Hair elastics. Rollerball perfume. Deodorant. Hand sanitizer. Make-up removing wipes. A book. Charger. Tampons--even if not needed, you can be a hero to someone!
  6. 6.
    GOOD THINGS TO DO BEFORE MEETING SOMEONE WHO INTIMIDATES YOU
    Read the news. Do vocal warm-ups. Be caffeinated. Choose an outfit that makes you feel strong. Know a little bit about them, but not TOO much--that can cause more anxiety. If your mouth is feeling dry right before and there are no available beverages, lick the inside of your mouth to generate saliva--seriously! Imagine you are in a beautiful private garden of your own design.
  7. 7.
    DON'T ASSUME
    Everyone will like you. Everyone will hate you. That there will be food at the event. That there will be wifi and outlets at the place. That the person is going to behave the way you would in their situation. That you know, with absolute certainty, someone's motivations, feelings, and personal history.
  8. 8.
    TRY NOT TO BEAT YOURSELF UP TOO MUCH FOR
    Your past. Forgiving people/asking for forgiveness. Not getting what you wanted. Saying the wrong thing. Being attracted to the wrong person. Eating the wrong thing. Beating yourself up--it's okay to beat yourself up a LITTLE bit; you're human.
  9. 9.
    HAVE AN ESCAPE PLAN FOR
    Unbearable conversations. Toxic relationships, especially platonic ones. Getting safely to your car. Getting home. When you're stuck interacting with your most cruel ex at a rooftop party.
  10. 10.
    BE ON TIME. BE ON TIME. BE ON TIME.
    (Be early)
  11. 11.
    And remember that while you can never be 100% prepared for every possible scenario, humans are resilient and our brains are designed to cope with whatever happens. (It can just take a lot of time and energy, sometimes.)