REASONS WHY YOU CAN'T USE MY COMPUTER WHEN YOU COME OVER

Because you might discover...
  1. 1.
    I've been googling you
    And I go deep. I've been to the 8th page of your google results. Do you remember that old video of you with only 96 views? I'm the one who made it 97. Then 98. Then 99...
  2. 2.
    My recently viewed porn
    The basic stuff
  3. 3.
    How severely disorganized my desktop is
    You will rapidly ascertain that it's a mirror of the inside of my brain and consequently never trust me again
  4. 4.
    My recently viewed porn
    The weirder shit
  5. 5.
    Every potential health problem I think I have
  6. 6.
    My recently viewed porn
    The stuff that will make you wonder if you ever really knew me at all
  7. 7.
    I've had to look up how to perform VERY elementary tasks
  8. 8.
    My recently viewed porn
    The stuff that I'm totally desensitized to, but will give YOU nightmares. I can't be responsible for exposing you to that!