THINGS I KNOW YOU LIE ABOUT NOT DOING

  1. Watching Keeping Up With The Kardashians on low volume in the middle of the night so you don't wake up your roommate and get judged.
    Even though we both know they're in the other room doing the exact same thing.
  2. Stalking any and all forms of exes on Instagram.
    Isn't it like, so totally annoying that his new girlfriend's account is private?
  3. Hating babies.
    Who the fuck actually likes babies?
  4. Taking secret poops in public places.
    Be as quiet as possible.
  5. Taking secret poops while your boo isn't paying attention while cooking dinner.
    #missionimpossible
  6. Knowing all the words to at least three Taylor Swift songs.
    Busted by your iTunes receipt.