OBSERVATIONS FROM A SQUARE AT A RAP SHOW

I love going to rap concerts but I'm a huge dork. Tonight I saw Vic Mensa and had some thoughts during the concert. Most of these apply to every concert I've been to in the past year.
  1. Too many girls who look like me
    I wore a flowered sundress and my doc martens with my dumb blonde hair in a dumb bun. I wore this same outfit to a Belle & Sebastian concert and totally fit in. That sucks. Not baller. What's worse is that many other girls were dressed this way! Portland sucks sometimes!
  2. ....but not enough girls in general
    It makes sense that a genre that marginalizes women wouldn't draw a huge crowd of them, but I still always prefer shows that aren't such an obvious sausage fest. Yes, we all have boners for Vic but I don't want to feel yours in my back when I'm trying to enjoy the show!
  3. Dudes who wear tank tops to concerts are satan's little helpers
    If you're going to be that douche who can't deal with sleeves, shave your pits?? Lifting your sweaty arm up releasing your stank is bad enough, but especially when your arm pubes are eye level with me.
  4. I wish I was better at drug culture
    Never been one for drugs in general but seeing rap live always makes me wish I was better at smoking weed or making sizzurp or anything illegal. Instead I just got contact high, my eyes got super dry and one of my contacts almost popped out.
  5. I'm pretty sure God offered me a blunt
    A beautiful, tall, round man with a beard who looked like DMC silently nodded and smiled and handed me his swisher. I kindly turned it down but in hindsight I should have accepted and then bear hugged him into eternity
  6. LOL at dudes trying to protect their girlfriends from mosh pits
    You're breaking more concert social codes by choosing to be in the minority of public grinders (if no one else in 5 feet of you is doing it, you shouldn't be either) so stop getting all freaked when some burly dude backs into her. Much cooler to get involved and take an elbow to the face like a champ.
  7. Love it when rappers repeat songs live
    Vic did "U Mad" twice and it was crazy fun. Love that Kendrick is repeating "King Kunta" at shows and Kanye "Blood On The Leaves"- it's such a fun thing.
  8. Sucks to realize artists are the same age as you
    Yes you are touring North America but today I DIDN'T publicly cry soooo we're both doing our twenties right
  9. Neck tattoos are hot tbh
    If you can pull one off, Wowee can you pull one off!