Requested by @audrey
We all forget to turn off airplane mode, right? Requested by my sister in angst @audrey
  1. He finally got around to reading The Harry Potter series and hasn't looked at a screen of any kind or spoken to another human since the second chapter of Chamber of Secrets
  2. His cat puked on his phone
    Making it possible to like other people's Instagram photos but impossible to respond to texts
  3. He saw a really hot girl walk by after walking you home and was like "that's the only girl I'll ever text from this point on"
  4. He just straight up died
  5. He developed super sonic hearing abilities and heard you make a joke about how you wanted him to get you pregnant and he freaked. It was a joke!
  6. He's been too preoccupied developing an articulate opinion on Caitlyn Jenner
  7. He's just too confused by his immense feelings for you
  8. He's not confused, he's 100% unabashedly disgusted by you
  9. He fell into the well from The Ring
    It gets really bad service
  10. Saw you the morning after on a hot day, no makeup, one contact gone, incredibly sweaty.
  11. He's an ass!
  12. You talked too much about loving Vines
    Even though you acknowledged it as a GUILTY PLEASURE
  13. Seeing you cry because you put something you thought was contact solution but was actually eye poison in your eye was a visual too disturbing to shake
  14. He forgot about you! Straight up.
  15. He got back together with his ex-girlfriend
    You can't blame him. She's the more penetrable version of you- her nose is the same shape but smaller, her eyes slightly further apart, her lips 30% bigger. Heck, YOU want to make out with her.
  16. You guys had sex too many times last time you hung out and now he's too tired to ever see you again
  17. The mystery continues
  18. He met his soulmate