THINGS I FIND ATTRACTIVE THAT MY FRIENDS ARE REPULSED BY

To each their own!
  1. These glasses
    "Those make whoever wears them look like a serial killer from the 1970s!" My friends yell. I'm not sure how to tell them that that may be part of the attraction. Keep the fire alive in your relationship by never really knowing whether or not your significant other has taken another human life or not. The boys who wear these are either super goofy (perfect) or too into taxidermy (also good).
  2. Messed up teeth
    This may be because of the hostility I continue to feel towards my parents and my orthodontist for putting me through 6 years of braces hell, but DAMN! I love it when a guy's chompers look like they'd be more fitting in a dog's mouth. Specifically: big gaps, missing front teeth, crooked bottom teeth, extra long incisors.
  3. Ridiculous tattoos
    A Simpsons reference on your butt? Sold. A stick & poke of a Blink 182 lyric? Be still my heart. A brand mascot surfing? MARRY ME.
  4. This hairstyle
    Not just on a Wilson brother-- on everyone! I sported this middle parted, short but also long, greasy bob when I was 12. I no longer wear this look, it doesn't flatter me, but every boy I have a crush on does!
  5. Being 25 and acting like a middle school boy
    I'm sure I'll tire of this trait soon, but right now I am fully endeared by it. Yes, us having unprotected sex was "dope." Yes, I want to hear you talk about street art and skateboarding and why your dad sucks--but don't get used to it, my interest in those subjects and you will wane in about a year and a half.
  6. Not having a smartphone
    Nothing hotter than some green bubbles. You can't see when I'm typing and you probably don't have an Instagram.