20 THINGS I LEARNED BY 20

  1. 1.
    Criticism is generally more useful than praise.
    Even though praise is way more satisfying and I love positive affirmation more than I love avocados
  2. 2.
    Look both ways before you cross the street.
    Hint: the street is a metaphor!! Call up John Green!!
  3. 3.
    Elastic waist jeans aren't trendy.
    Even if they have rhinestones.
  4. 4.
    You don't always have to pay for the T, you can just run through behind somebody.
  5. 5.
    People don't think about you as much as you think they do.
    And true, they might be talking shit, but it's probably not a whole shit talk monologue, more like a shit talk aside.
  6. 6.
    LinkedIn is an underrated tool.
  7. 7.
    The Olive Garden is not the utopia its commercials make it appear.
  8. 8.
    Use Spotify strategically.
    Nicki Minaj to pump up, Justin Bieber to calm down.
  9. 9.
    3 drinks probably isn't enough, but 5 is probably too many.
  10. 10.
    You can pretend to be passionate about anything.
    "I'm really excited to learn more about your bio molecular organism lab and what your PR position entails."
  11. 11.
    You can never be too careful when it comes to other people.
    The ones you trust might surprise you.
  12. 12.
    But the friends who you could hypothetically perform a successful trust fall with are invaluable.
    Emphasis on hypothetical. I couldn't even do a trust fall if a seven foot body builder was catching me.
  13. 13.
    Be someone parents like.
    They're the ones with those hot connects.
  14. 14.
    Dancing doesn't get easier.
    In fact, it gets harder. In junior high it was jumping up and down, which was definitely hard, but now you're supposed to gyrate in a way that looks both natural and sexy.
  15. 15.
    We can't change the past, and the future is unknown.
    One of the "teachers" on my meditation app said this, and it helps me counteract my dreading/dwelling cycle.
  16. 16.
    It's okay to advocate for yourself.
    Academically and professionally. No one else is going to do it for you.
  17. 17.
    Have a mental picture of your goals that you can bring to mind when the going gets tough.
    Mine is me tossing the keys to my Audi to the valet on my way into the swankiest hotel bar in Los Angeles. Am I meeting up with my bestie KKW? Maybe.
  18. 18.
    Blue eye shadow is a no.
    So is blue eyeliner. Just don't put blue on your face.
  19. 19.
    Have a plan B. And C, D, and E.
    Being a child actor might not work out. But being a momager could.
  20. 20.
    If need be, pay extra for guac.