RESPONSES TO "WOULD YOU LIKE A BAG?"

It's a simple, yes or no question.
  1. "If you have one."
    Of course I have one. I asked you if you would like one.
  2. "Yeah, I'm walking."
    I'm not interested in your justifications, Mary. A simple yes will suffice.
  3. "I left my bag in my car."
    It's great that you want me to know that you THOUGHT about saving the environment but lacked the follow through. Would you like me to provide you with a replacement bag?
  4. "No thanks, save the tree."
    Wow, you're so eco-friendly, the earth is forever indebted to you.
  5. "Yeah, I'm gonna need a bag." (Gestures angrily at pile of food)
    You don't have to be a dick about it. I thought that you might care about the planet. You probably don't even believe in global warming.
  6. "If you don't mind."
    It is my job to get you a bag. I am paid not to mind.
  7. "I don't think I can fit all of this in my pockets."
    Literally fuck you.
  8. "Yes, please."
    THANK YOU.