CAREERS I'D LIKE TO HAVE OTHER THAN MY OWN

Sike bitch I'm unemployed!!! In all seriousness, if I wasn't a student these are some jobs I would want
  1. Cupcake Wars judge
    Because I love a) eating b) baked goods c) reality tv d) PASSING JUDGMENT. Cupcake Wars rather than Masterchef because I don't know fine food but there's little risk of messing up a cupcake review. I'm already working on my cupcake-related puns. Unrealistic because I would just eat all of the cupcakes and not be invited back.
  2. Broadway singer/actress
    If sheer willpower could make things happen I would be on Broadway right now, but I have absolutely no talent or skills for it. Instead I just sing Wicked in the shower. I have to be careful listening to my musicals playlist in public because I tend to do the facial expressions as if I was performing the song onstage.
  3. TV critic
    Because I would get paid to do something I already spend an embarrassing amount of time doing, and I would have an outlet other than boring all my friends to death with an in-depth monologue on a sitcom no one cares about. Unrealistic because my grounds for disliking something can be highly arbitrary, and a lot of massively popular shows I haven't seen cause I watched all grey's anatomy episodes twice instead.
  4. Puppysitter
    I wouldn't even need to get paid. I'd pay to cuddle pups all day. Unrealistic because I don't think frolicking with dogs is a real career.
  5. Spanish teacher
    Not because I want to be a teacher, but because it'd mean I would be able to speak Spanish. A modern language is useful/required for many careers related to my degree, and most importantly I want to know the lyrics to my favorite Daddy Yankee songs.
  6. Golden retriever living in an upper class family
    Not technically a career but still counts. I feel like it would be a carefree existence. Being loved, fed well, napping a lot and chasing squirrels. The life.
  7. Disney Channel actress
    Some of them can't act anyway either so that wouldn't be a problem. Earn a living wearing primary colors, getting into shenanigans and pulling this 😮 face.
  8. YouTube superstar
    Make thousands promoting face wash and showing people the ig-worthy açai bowl I eat for breakfast
  9. Any job. Please just hire me
    I'm a millennial, my wet dream is a steady job and not having to have a roommate