THE MOST FUCKABLE US PRESIDENTS, RANKED

Based on highly arbitrary grounds. The longer this went on the dirtier I felt but at that point I had to follow through. Thankfully most of these guys are dead anyway.
  1. 43.
    John Quincy Adams
    We all know the answer to this one. Looks like a boiled egg and those sideburns would be unpleasant.
  2. 42.
    Chester A. Arthur
    Definitely not.
  3. 41.
    Martin Van Buren
    Reminds me of the gross older uncle who gets drunk at weddings that I never had.
  4. 40.
    Zachary Taylor
    Again, drunk uncle.
  5. 39.
    Thomas Jefferson
    I feel like under that thinning labradoodle hair is some decent bone structure. Loses fuckability points for all that slave stuff.
  6. 38.
    William McKinley
    Weird, strict dad of your friend who you'd be scared of. Alternatively someone from an old horror movie.
  7. 37.
    George Washington
    Founding father schmather. Looks like a pot of yoghurt left in the break room fridge for too long. Just not fuckable. Sorry George.
  8. 36.
    John Adams
    Looks both like a hamster and a confused school child in his dad's clothes. Bonus points for not owning slaves I guess (that's a sentence I never thought I'd say)
  9. 35.
    William Henry Harrison
    Only remembered (by me at least) for that one Parks and Rec episode. Looks kind of sad and insecure.
  10. 34.
    Dwight D. Eisenhower
    Aka a preemie baby.
  11. 33.
    Lyndon B. Johnson
    Not much to say about Lyndon. Not the most fuckable president, but not the least.
  12. 32.
    William Howard Taft
    My dream cast for Harry Potter's Uncle Dursley. Jolly-looking guy though.
  13. 31.
    Millard Fillmore
    There isn't really anything to point to except, not fuckable.
  14. 30.
    Calvin Coolidge
    Didn't eat his vegetables as a kid.
  15. 29.
    Rutherford B. Hayes
    Charles Darwin's less attractive brother. Next.
  16. 28.
    James A. Garfield
    Little creepy looking. I'd pass.
  17. 27.
    Theodore Roosevelt
    Unpopular opinion but a beard would have suited him better than a mustache.
  18. 26.
    Grover Cleveland
    Not really feeling the 'stache but maybe it's someone's thing.
  19. 25.
    James Madison
    I'm getting a slick Lucius Malfoy vibe here and I'm not hating it. Get some undereye concealer though. Slavery minus points.
  20. 24.
    Gerald Ford
    Looks like a Simpsons character and the name Gerald doesn't help
  21. 23.
    James Buchanan
    Not horrible, but definitely not a fuckable prez.
  22. 22.
    Herbert Hoover
    Should have been a game show host on day-time tv instead of president but I'll allow it.
  23. 21.
    Jimmy Carter
    I know you had a rough go of it Jimmy, but you're still not a top fuckable prez.
  24. 20.
    Warren G. Harding
    Pro: funny name. Con: after that letter thing he feels a bit gross.
  25. 19.
    Franklin Pierce
    Borat hair aside, I guess.
  26. 18.
    George W. Bush
    How would I feel if I had never heard him speak? We'll never know.
  27. 17.
    George H. W. Bush
    Maybe minus points on the fuckability scale for siring Dubya, but nonetheless.
  28. 16.
    Andrew Jackson
    Decent hair but murdered someone in a duel and signed the Indian Removal Act. Is it just me or does he look like Hugh Grant
  29. 15.
    Andrew Johnson
    Looks like Taran Killam's Jebidiah on SNL. Wipe that frown off your face.
  30. 14.
    James Monroe
    I forgot that he existed, but yeah, sure. Looks like a PTA dad. First president to not have offensive hair.
  31. 13.
    Abraham Lincoln
    One of the few old presidents I've seen smile. Definition of tall (6'4" y'all damn), dark and well, I guess sort of handsome.
  32. 12.
    Richard Nixon
    Kind of handsome as a young one, perfectly decent-looking president.
  33. 11.
    Bill Clinton
    Fuckability definitely came from the charm, but that counts too.
  34. 10.
    Woodrow Wilson
    Handsome enough, sure.
  35. 9.
    John Tyler
    What did he accomplish as president? Hell if I know, but I do know he has the cheekbones and piercing eyes of a teen idol.
  36. 8.
    Franklin D. Roosevelt
    Come on, you know he was a fuckable president.
  37. 7.
    Benjamin Harrison
    Kept it tight for his age, for sure. Jawline is 👌🏻
  38. 6.
    John F. Kennedy
    A notoriously fuckable president, it got him in trouble. Young and charming.
  39. 5.
    Ulysses S. Grant
    I feel like there's a gravitas here that I can get behind. And having a beard is contouring for men.
  40. 4.
    James K. Polk
    The mullet he rocked a lot needed to go, but kind of an older-love-interest-in-romantic-comedy vibe. Actually kind of looks like Ralph Fiennes.
  41. 3.
    Ronald Reagan
    Way pre-presidency photo to justify that, while I don't like to admit it, Reagan was definitely fuckable.
  42. 2.
    Barack Obama
    Good looks, intelligence, sense of humor. Ate Vietnamese food with Anthony Bourdain that one time. Man's got it all. Anyone who can bag Michelle is obviously a fuckable president.
  43. 1.
    Harry S. Truman
    HIGHLY underrated fuckable president.