Things I wish my divorced parents hadn't done

I love my parents deeply, and we have a great relationship. But if you have kids with your ex (or do one day), don't do this. (This got real personal and specific real quick but basically don't be an asshole)
  1. Put their children in their arguments
  2. It sucked. It affected my relationships with my parents and with literally everyone around me to this day.
  3. Don't a) use your child as a pawn in your games with your ex b) use your ex (consciously or not) when angry at your child
  4. Don't focus on hurting your ex as much as possible when that means you're worsening the situation for your kids
  5. Don't use your money or more vacation days or the presence of grandparents or whatever upper hand you have to try to manipulate your relationship
    Refusing to let go of passports that would allow your ex to take your child on vacation. Not letting your kid keep their own key because you're afraid your ex will steal it etc etc.
  6. Don't talk shit about your children's other parent
    Unless that person is like certifiably The Worst. You may forget it the second you say it but we remember it for months and years.
  7. Don't involve your kids in business that isn't theirs. Let adult stuff be adult stuff
  8. Don't let YOUR problems come between your child and their other parent
    Honestly, if your ex cheated, or stole your sparkle or was selfish in bed or killed your cat (note: all fictitious), don't let that come between your child and your ex.
  9. "Right now you're acting just like [parent]"
    I know you're mad but it hurts.
  10. Don't get mad at your kids for taking sides they didn't know they were taking
    I'd say with the exception of North Korean history books, divorced parents are most prone to historical revisionism in the world. I can't go through my life assuming everything one of you tells me is a lie, so if I get it wrong, tell me, don't just assume.
  11. Accept that we don't want to take sides
    You were both horrible!!! I don't wanna hear it
  12. Don't tell your kid "you can always live with me full time" just because they're temporarily mad about a parent's new SO or whatever.
    Can you listen to me being upset without thinking of ways to gain something from it.
  13. Don't tell your kid "if you hate me so much then go live with your [parent] if that makes you happier"
    We don't hear "I feel inadequate, is your other parent doing it better/making you happier because right now I can't get it right", we hear "/I/ want you to go live somewhere else"
  14. Don't make your child communicate between you and then get mad when there's a breakdown of communication
    Just fucking talk like adults. If you did, you maybe wouldn't have gotten into a loud argument in public about who pays for what re: your kid's driving lessons.
  15. Don't keep going until your child is in court-mandated therapy with social services ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
    Only a few times but as a four-year old I shouldn't have had to answer questions about whether or not I felt broken. I didn't until just then.
  16. Don't steal entire parts of your kid's childhood from each other and your child
    There are years of photos I never get to see, that have never made it to any album. Videos of important milestones that I will never watch because you can't look at footage from when you loved your ex. There are stories of my early childhood that are either not talked about or edited. I existed before your divorce.
  17. Don't make special events about yourselves instead of your kids
    It's my graduation. I should be able to enjoy my accomplishment and be happy, not worrying about whom to go to first, spending an equal amount of time with both of you or worrying that I'm making one of you sad by "choosing" one arrangement. I can't split myself in two.
  18. ———
  19. It makes me sad because they tried to get me to pick sides.
  20. But it makes me sadder because with my little sister they succeeded.
  21. (That was so fake deep lol I'm sorry I'm leaving)