a work in progress, brought to you by Delta
  1. "We will not be landing in Austin"
    SHIT I finally did it, after all these years I finally accidentally boarded the wrong plane without noticing
  2. *crazy turbulence*
    ohh, this makes sense.
  3. "Landing in Houston"
    -sweet, I can go back to sleep for a little//// -fuck, I'm going to be late for this conference
  4. *more turbulence*
    man, it really sucks that I'm going to have to die with all these people. my death deserves a bigger spotlight than just being one of 150 or whatever. I want my tragic passing to be front page (above the fold, duh) all on its own, but the crash is totally going to dominate this narrative.
  5. time to write my own obituary!
    recording this here for posterity: my #1 choice here would be a crossword (edited by Will Shortz, obvi) of all my best qualities and favorite things. when you complete it on the NYTimes website, they will play "One Shining Moment" instead of the normal chimes.
  6. "Air traffic control tower has been evacuated"
    this sounds like a bad idea for Austin and okay, I'm REALLY going to be late for this conference
  7. "Welcome to Houston"
    c'mon this was such a good "Houston, we have a problem" opportunity and you missed it, pilot. if you can't get us to the right city, please step up your jokes
  8. Houston and Austin are really close, right? I'll Uber.
    nope. not really. this state is kind of large, it seems.
  9. I'm calling my mom.
    and here we are.