THINGS I DID TO UPSET MY MOTHER

  1. Said "you can do anything you want if you don't get caught"
  2. Wouldn't share details of my dating life
  3. Told her my plans for the night were "lots and lots of heroin"
  4. Told her I'd be going away for college
    45 minutes away...
  5. Told her she was walking slowly and that she was in someone's way at Wegmans