I DID A HALF IRONMAN LAST WEEKEND BECAUSE I AM A CRAZY PERSON

It was the first (and only) time I will ever "go there" and it went like this in my head for 70.3 miles
  1. I shouldn't have told so many people I was doing this.
  2. I look like a human condom
  3. I hope I don't throw up (happened in this moment)
    There's me, second from the right.
  4. I really feel like I'm about to throw up
  5. Can it just start already
  6. I feel like I'm going really slow (swim)
  7. Oh, no I'm not (swim)
  8. Am I invisible? Re: getting swum into
  9. Almost there! I can see beach houses. Then the bike ugh.
  10. When do I stand up?
  11. Am I supposed to run out of the water?
  12. I'm not running out of the water.
  13. Wow I did that faster than I thought.
  14. Something feels wrong about a 19 year old boy telling me to get on my back and lift my hips so he can rip off my wetsuit.
  15. Wow that was fast.
  16. I should eat but I still feel like I'm going to throw up.
  17. I don't want to put my socks on when my feet are still wet.
  18. Guess I don't have a choice.
  19. I can't believe I thought I would eat a banana right now.
  20. Let's do this.
  21. I can't really get on my bike this is embarrassing.
  22. There we go.
  23. Ugh this hill is already hard and it's the first 5 minutes.
  24. Everyone is passing me.
  25. When is the hard hill?
  26. Oh there it is.
  27. This sucks.
  28. It's nice other people have faith in me.
  29. It ends.
  30. It ends.
  31. It ends.
  32. It ends.
  33. Yes, downhill!!!!!
  34. Whew I made it.
  35. Oh no, it has been an hour and I haven't eaten or drank. This is not going to end well.
  36. I guess I have to stop and drink.
  37. This sucks.
  38. Now the rest of my team has passed me.
  39. I really need to eat.
  40. I really need to drink.
  41. Shit I almost just got in a crash.
  42. Now I can't get my water bottle back in.
  43. I can't shift now.
  44. I'm going so slow.
  45. Halfway!!!!
  46. Wow I'm hungry
  47. I definitely screwed myself over by not drinking
  48. Why are my glutes feeling like rocks?
  49. This isn't good.
  50. Here we go with hills again.
  51. It ends
  52. It ends
  53. It ends
  54. You can do it
  55. It ends
  56. Whew made it.
  57. More hills?
  58. Ugh.
  59. Over this.
  60. Why 56 miles?
  61. 45 almost there!
  62. More hills.
  63. More hills?
  64. My butt hurts.
  65. Why with all the hills???
  66. Okay this can end now.
  67. Last turn!
  68. Oh wait never mind.
  69. Ouch
  70. I hope I don't get a flat tire
  71. Ouch
  72. Ugh the run looks awful
  73. Finally almost there
  74. The last turn!!!!
  75. Uh oh now I can't get off my bike
  76. How are people running after that?
  77. 13.1 miles?
  78. Not sure I can do this.
  79. No I definitely can't do this.
  80. Ouch, my calves
  81. Aren't compression socks supposed to do something?
  82. I can't run.
  83. I guess I have to walk.
  84. Just one mile.
  85. Maybe two.
  86. Maybe to that hill.
  87. Ugh.
  88. My fingers are so swollen.
  89. I still feel like I'm going to throw up.
  90. WATER!!!!
  91. This is going to take forever.
  92. Oh, a friend!
  93. I wish I could run. It would be so much faster.
  94. Okay maybe I can do this a little.
  95. It's hot
  96. I will run the last mile. Okay maybe not.
  97. Almost there!!!
  98. Finallyyyyyyyyyyyyy. Hope the finish line picture was convincing.
  99. And I don't even care I was last on my team because this was crazy and I am not an athlete.