Rape - A How-Not-To Guide

Due to recent events, I am going to give you tips and tricks on how NOT to rape someone. While some of you may be thinking "it is impossible not to rape someone" please follow these simple steps and I assure you, you can avoid it.
  1. Consent
    Now, this is the first step in how to avoid raping someone. It can be as simple and blatant as asking someone "would you like to have sex with me?" to a little more subtle "do you want to bump nasties". No matter how the questioned is asked, here comes the most important part of this step: wait for a response. It could vary from "yes, I would like that very much" to "no thank you, you nasty". Listen and act appropriately based on their response.
  2. Consent Continued
    There is an added bonus to consent that many choose to ignore and that is - changing your mind. Yes I consented to eat an entire cheesecake but you know, halfway through I am starting to feel uncomfortable and regretting my decision so I am going to stop. I have this choice, everyone has this choice, so the cheesecake needs to respect my decision and finish himself off.
  3. Coherent/Conscious
    This is also a critical step in how to avoid raping someone. If they are incoherent or unconscious, leave them alone. Give them to their friends or put them in the recovery position and then walk away. Now is not the time my friend, take your best gal home (righty or lefty) and enjoy the freedom the next day of knowing you did the right thing and not going to jail.
  4. Alcohol
    Now, this is where some people think it gets confusing but I am going to make this very easy: if alcohol is involved follow the first 3 steps. It is very simple.
  5. Daddy and Mommy
    Dear parents, Yes, your child is a precious and unique snowflake but learns everything from your example. You teach your child about actions and consequences and this is vital in stopping rape culture. We are so very good about teaching them the action part, that we often forget or choose to ignore the consequence part. I know you never want them to get hurt, but please teach them that their actions affect other people. This will go far in creating empathy and a conscience for your child.