On My Ever-growing Imposter Syndrome...

  1. I'm PreMed
    Every day is filled with self doubt. Can I do this? Can I really be a doctor?
  2. Ever since I started taking my prerequisites needed for med school, I started noticing how I began to look at myself as stupid.
    I know I'm not dumb. I know that I'm above-average intellect-wise.
  3. But when I sit in my physics class or my Biochem class, I feel like I'm only absorbing a third of what my classmates are.
    I feel like everyone else just gets it.
  4. I'm paranoid that one day one of my professors is going to pull me aside and say, "Erica, I'm sorry, but it's clear that you're just not where you need to be."
    I'm scared to interact with a lot of my professors for this very reason.
  5. It's not that I even have bad grades.
    My grades are good. On my hard tests, I at least always make the average. Most of the time I score above the average.
  6. But I'm scared that somehow I'm just getting through by some strange fluke.
  7. And I'm terrified that somehow I'm going to get into med school and not be capable.
    I'm terrified that they're gonna realize their mistake and tell me I'm not excelling at the rate I need to be excelling.
  8. And if that happens, I don't know what I'll do.
    By that point, I will have sacrificed almost everything.
  9. I know that so many people feel this way about their lives. I know I shouldn't let fear control me.
    But I can't help it. I live every day terrified that eventually I'm gonna do or say something so stupid that they're going to "find me out."
  10. I keep reminding myself that I'm smart.
    When I ~get~ something, I totally get it. I've always been smart. I've always been in the top of my class. I had a 4.0 for four straight semesters.
  11. But what if I'm not the right kind of smart that I need to be?
    What if, like I said, I realize this too late when I'm already in medical school?
  12. Is this all in my head? Do I just have a severe case of imposter syndrome?
  13. Or is there some merit to my paranoia?
  14. And when will I find out which it is?